Pity Party--Table for 1

I know that life isn't fair but sometimes I just want to be a little kid, mad and crying, jumping up and down shouting how "It's not fair!" 

As my babies get bigger and keep growing, there is slight ache within my heart. Not necessarily the fact that they won't listen and they won't stop growing up. No, it's the ache of my Pa missing out on this. 

The ache knowing that Kinley may only have a few memories of him and those memories will probably be ones that we have pictures or video of. Knowing that he didn't get a chance to see how much Kinley loves to ride Molly. The ache knowing that Wyatt never met him. Knowing that Wyatt never had a chance to hang with him or have his silly songs sung to him. Knowing that he didn't get to enjoy Wyatt's sweet smile.

The days that Kinley tells me, "I'na see Pa." are just heart wrenching. I love that she thinks of him. I love that she can point him out in a picture. I just wish heaven had visiting hours.

Pa always loved chatting with you!

Kinley and Wyatt,
If there is anything to tell you about your Pa, it was how much he really loved you. Even though he never met you, Wyatt, he already loved you so much. Once he knew you were cooking in my belly, he asked about you every time we talked. Kinley, he loved to brag on how smart you are. His eyes would light up when he saw you. He was so silly. He loved his family time. He was honest to a fault. He was proud. He was curious about everything and loved to learn. I hope I am able to help instill some of his traits into you both as you grow up.



I also have the ache that my Mom isn't here to be Grandma. I almost feel guilty that this ache isn't as strong but I never knew my Mom in the Grandma role. Don't get me wrong, I have the, "dang, I wish my mom had been here for ..." moments. But I have been having those for what seems like all of my life, so it almost seems normal. All those times girls want their mom, I wanted her, too. I like to think I wouldn't be able to keep her away from seeing her grandbabies. Skype would be busy every night and probably start charging us.

Okay. Enough.
End scene. {exits pity party.}

PS- now, if you need a smile, go back and read some of Pa's comments. He was such a funny guy!

Roller Coaster!

{I originally started this post at least one month [scratch that] three months [scratch that too] ten months ago. Regardless, it has been an array of emotions since it was started.}

At the beginning of November, the first to be exact, Pa went to the hospital in kidney failure. Before they could make a plan about his kidneys, they said they needed to put in a pacemaker since his heart stopped twice the night before and started again on its own. Before I could get to Enid, he had a pacemaker and was on the mend. He was kind of loopy when I got there and started telling me about the papers in the safe and his regular run down of where I could find things. He went in on Friday and had the pacemaker put in on Saturday. By Sunday the nephrologist told me her recommendation was to call in hospice. She thought the rigor of dialysis would do him in. This was a lot for me to take in. I mean, earlier in the day, my dad and I were looking at a new dishwasher for their house. I was also under the impression that the doctor had already had this conversation with him so I went to the hospital prepared to discuss what we would do next.

We sat and chatted and nothing was mentioned about hospice, which come to find out the doctor hadn't told him, she wanted to prepare the family first. I took off work Monday so I could talk to his PCP about his thoughts of after care. I was thinking his primary physician would have a discussion with him Monday morning about the prognosis of his kidneys...but alas he did not. So I left messages for the doctor to call me, the ICU nurses left messages for the doctor to call them but he wasn't returning any of those. After later speaking to a sweet nurse from Pa's oncologist, who ended up telling him there really wasn't anything they could do to help his kidneys, I took myself to the doctor's office and sat in his waiting room until he would see me. You see, I didn't take off of work, and couldn't keep taking off, to not get any answers, so I wasn't leaving without answers. From body language, I could tell his office staff did not think too highly of me just showing up and asking to speak to the doctor. One thing I overheard was, "that just isn't how things work around here." Well, it worked crabby office lady. His prognosis of 6-8 months was quite different than the nephrologists of 6-8 weeks.

I then returned to the hospital where Pa and I further discussed after care. He asked me if PCP doctor had told me the prognosis and I said the nephrologist had. Being a man of truthful words, he had some good ones about the PCP and not being honest with him. After tears, doubt, and reassuring, we decided it would be best for them both to move my direction into a nursing home so Nandy and Pa could be together until Pa's kidneys quit. His biggest concern was that Nandy get settled before something happened to him. He didn’t care that his body was calling it in. He cared that his girlfriend was taken care of.

One of the most heart breaking things I've seen is my Pa telling Nandy that his kidneys are not working anymore and that they will be moving to a nursing home together near me. Her dementia is far enough along that her only response was, "Okay. I'll go wherever with you." Amidst the tears, he assured her he would stay with her as long as he could. He didn't care that he was dying, he cared that he felt like he was leaving his girlfriend, letting her down and not taking care of her. After my Dad left to take Nandy back to the house, I assured Pa that he was in fact taking care of her. Helping make the decision to move was going to get her settled in before the inevitable happened.

I was then instructed to go the house and tell Nandy's sister, who had been staying with Nandy while Pa was in the hospital. Then I headed back home because I had some nursing home research to do. I went to work Tuesday morning just because I needed a little bit of normal...hard to think that 20 kindergartners were what was going to give me normal. By 10:30, I had called my sub to see if she could come in for the afternoon. My mind was all over the place but I knew it needed to be making phone calls so Mrs. Chambers to the rescue! I had asked around for nursing homes that people knew of and spent the afternoon calling about 10 places. From noon to 4:00, I did nothing but call, take notes, research online and wait for people to return my call. 

That afternoon, my sweet PE teacher went with me, in the rain, to visit two nursing homes in Sapulpa. If someone had not seen us walk into the first one, I would have turned around and left based on smell alone. We went ahead and had a quick tour by a sweet lady that was actually on her way out. I was not impressed in any way with what I saw. The smell did get better but maybe my nose just got used to it? You know that feeling you have after going to a bar? You know, where your hair and clothes stink like the bar? We had that feeling after leaving. I don't think we actually smelled bad but it was not good. I was brave enough to ask her if she would go to one more with me and she agreed. The second one was better the moment we walked in. We were toured through the place by the night nurse. She seemed very knowledgeable about the facility as well as the residents. She spoke to many of them by name as we passed and didn't seem the least bit worried we would see something out of the ordinary. There was no rancid old person smell either. This facility was recommended to me by a co-worker that had her mother there recently.

After leaving, I knew where I would choose if there were only two options. I went back to school and prepared sub plans for Wednesday since I called in so that I could go visit some more nursing homes. Sweet Miss Maxwell stayed at school with me until my plans were ready and even offered to take part of the following day off to go with to more places. Wednesday morning, I toured a place in Sand Springs. They have a specific building for memory care patients, which Nandy may need some day. The ladies I spoke to were nice and knowledgeable about the facility.

The plan was that Maxwell was a cousin but I always goofed it up by saying my grandparents. It really turned out that I had all the questions and she was there for moral support. She mentioned feeling silly just being there but I kept saying my and blowing our cover. I am very grateful that she went with me. Not too many friends will volunteer to visit nursing homes with people. It's not like it is the most fun thing to do with your time let alone take off work for. She helped to make it a more fun experience than it truly is. I’d recommend her company any day!

In the afternoon, I picked Maxwell up and we went to two other places. One in Jenks that actually had a pre-k and kindergarten class at it. It was really neat to see the kids out interacting with the residents. Some of the little old ladies were out chatting with the kids and having ice cream with them. The man that took us on a tour of the place did not seem to take me seriously. I felt like he thought I was there for shits and giggles. He told me they currently did not a have room that would accommodate both of my grandparents but they could still be in the same building. Being roommates was one of the criteria that I had to have, after all, the point of moving was so they could be together. Neither one of us were impressed with his demeanor. I felt rushed and I didn't feel like he was really that interested in selling me on the place.

At our next stop, I felt less than impressed when I walked in but was told they had a nice memory unit. We were greeted by a little old man that was very heavy in passing out compliments. So if you want at boost in your attitude… stop on by! The lady we talked to was very nice. She took us through the facility but as I looked around I wasn't impressed. To me, it almost seemed like the family members of the residents didn't care about the surroundings. Many of the rooms were bare, as if they didn't care to try and make this home for their family. Then she took us to the lock down, memory unit. You also may refer to it as the crazy house. People trying to get out as you come in, a lady following you around saying "didididididi" carrying a doll. There was nothing on the cement walls of the rooms. It almost reminded me of a jail cell. There is no way my grandma would fit in there and Pa would tell me I was "bat shit crazy" if I tried to move them in there. I envisioned him telling me he would walk back to Enid before spending a night there.

On the way back to get Kinley, we stopped at the place I had a morning visit with. Their facility is locked down but not to the extent of the previous. It is a newer place where it was obvious the families wanted it to seem like home. We checked in at the main place and they told us to go over and someone would come show us around. We rang the bell but no one came to the door, except the visiting wife of a resident. She happily let us in so I walked Maxwell through. We made it through the entire facility without being spoken to by a worker. Heck, we didn't even see anyone that worked there. Talked to a couple old ladies that were just sitting out in the common area but no workers were to be seen. It wasn't until we were leaving and chatted with the wife about her experience there that someone approached us. That alone did not really sit well with me.

So back to the school we went. Visited with a few people there and tried to feel okay with a huge decision. I mean, my Pa trusted me to pick a place for them to live. I had earlier talked to my Dad. He informed me that he set up an appointment for the dog to go to the groomer. Why couldn’t I have had that job??? Why did I have to make the nursing home decision?! I went back and forth on feeling confident about my decision. What if I got them there and Pa hated it? What if Nandy hated it? What if Pa changed his mind about moving? [insert bad dreams about all this] What if? What if? What if?

Snap out of it, you are 31 years old making the best decision you know how to in this situation. But so much is weighing on your shoulders… A place needed to be decided on and it was a relief to make it but also daunting. The ‘what ifs’ came back but only time would tell.

The next task was getting Pa out of the hospital and getting both of them brought over to Sapulpa. Hubby went to Enid on the 13^th, with my brother and niece in tow. Three people (Hubby, Dad and Brother) were told they needed to be at the nursing home by 2:00 (really the deadline was 3:00 but I know my Dad and Brother so I fibbed) so that there was more staff available to get them settled and checked out. 1:30 p.m. I get a text from Hubby that they are backing out of the driveway. Now, do some math with me…. it takes 90 minutes to drive there. Nevermind, you know they did not make it by the 2:00 deadline or even 3:00. I get out of school at 4:00 and got there right as they were getting out of the car.

It took some time for them to adjust. Pa sat and worried about money, the car, the house, Nandy, and the baby and I. Money, the car, and the house were the least of my worries. I just wanted my grandparents to be together. To get settled and feel comfortable for what time they did have left... together. 

After about 8 days in their new place, Pa told me, "I think you did good, kid." What a relief! That is what I worried about! I wondered but didn't want to ask (for fear of the answer) if Pa approved of the place that I had chosen. You know, those 'what if's' I mentioned earlier. Just hearing that gave me some peace of mind.

I feel very fortunate to have been able to spend so much more time with my grandparents once they were moved over here. Kinley and I would go visit after school, almost everyday, depending on our schedule. Nandy and Pa would both get so excited to see her come in. I brought forth a little excitement but it was really all for Kinley, which is sweet to see how much they love her.

6 Months

My Sweet Wyatt Boy,
Even though my blogging and posting for you has been rather dismal, my love for you is far from it. A wise old man once told me that even if I couldn't blog, no one could take my memories away from me. They will always and forever be in my mind and heart.

The smiles you give every day warm my heart.
The little laughs you have when Kinley talks to you are so precious.
The way you watch Tobie walk by with your curious little eyes.
Your gummy smile is so adorable.
The sweet way you clasp your hands together when you are trying the baby cereal is so innocent.
The way your eyes light up when you see your sister and daddy talk to you.
Have I mentioned your smile? It's infectious.
Every time I look into your blue eyes, I fall more in love with you. Oh, I've never mentioned that you have blue eyes?!? Well, that is partly because I am afraid to talk about them for fear taht they will change. {crossing my fingers that I didn't just jinx them}
You are so drooly but haven't had any teeth show up.

Daddy took you to your six month check-up on September 11. As usual... the height measuring was wonky, saying you are 25 inches. Our home measurements show you being 27 inches tall. For the first time, their weight scale was wrong (hopefully this one doesn't become a regular broken machine). It said you weighed 11 pounds, which would mean you lost weight since your 4 month check up and I can tell by looking at you that is not the case! According to our scale at home, Daddy says you weigh 15 pounds.

You are wearing size 2 diapers, mostly six month clothing, and no shoes. You have had a few shoe wearing experiences but they usually end in one or both shoes kicked off. I hope that when the weather changes we are able to at least keep socks on you.

At home, you eat 7 ounces every 4-5 hours. You started trying rice cereal on September 1. You didn't love it the first time you ate it but you tolerated it. As the days have gone on, you are a better cereal eater. At school, you seem too distracted to drink all of your milk in one setting so you generally have 6 ounces every 4 hours there. At home, you have also had squash, carrots, and green beans, all of which you like. Dad likes to make you a vegetable, rice cereal, breast milk combo, which you gobble up too.

Your naps at school vary. In the last couple days you have been stocking up on the ZZZZ's and having long naps at school. Maybe you are getting your grow on before you go to the doctor. At home, I think you would nap more if a certain sister didn't love you so much. Any time you wake up, Kinley is right there to check on you. The girls at school tell me that she will always check on you after nap too.

This month, I have noticed your hair coming back in. Wait, you didn't really have any to start with! So, your hair is finally growing. It is very blonde so it is isn't noticeable from afar but up close you have a fuzzy little head. As of the 18th, you actually sprouted your first tooth! All of the drooling and chewing on your hands, fingers, and paci have paid off.

As I said before, you make my heart skip a beat. I am so lucky to be your Mommy. Remember, I am always here for you.

You are all because two people fell in love,
Love,
Mommy

4 and 5 months

You turned 4 months old on July 6.

We also had you baptized at church that day. As I sit here starting this post, you are making music to my ears, cooing away. I am sure those coos are saying, "Mom! You are slacking on blogging about me. Get with it woman!"

July 11th, you went for your 4 month check up. You weighed 13 pounds 10 ounces and are in the 25%. You measured 24.5 inches tall, putting you in the 30% for kids your age.

In the last couple weeks, you have found your feet and see to always have hold of them when you are playing on the floor. You also love to see just how much of your hand you fit into your mouth. When we are riding in the car, if you aren't asleep, you are playing with your tongue.


On August 6, you turned 5 months old! Where is the time going little man?

Mmm! Hand to chew on!

Now for a little bite of Tiger paci!

August 4th, you and Kinley started "school" at Miss Jade's. It took a week or so for them to figure you out and get into a routine with you but you did just fine. We even tried to get a discount since you came with a personal assistant. The girls informed us that Kinley is very helpful and kept a watchful eye on you. The way I see her at home with you, I expected no less. From what they told me, she was even a little territorial at first. She didn't want anyone to sit near you or talk to you without her supervision.

First day of school picture with Kinley

3 months

June 6, 2014 marked a quarter of a year for you little guy!

At three months old, you are such a little cutie. There aren't any height or weight stats since you don't go back to the doctor until 4 months.

You are still wearing size one diapers. Several of your newborn shirts are getting a little snug on you. We should probably go ahead and weed those out of your drawers instead of continuing to squeeze you into them. :) {I suppose that is my way of keeping you my little baby boy.} So, for the most part you are wearing 3 month clothes. 

You have 5.5-6 ounces of mommy made milk every 4ish hours, depending on if you urp any up in between feedings. I keep saying we need to make you wait it out a little longer so that you are eating more in one feeding. I must say that when you eat with Dad, your bottle seems to drag on for quite some time because you two like to nap together. Who knows, when you have a bottle with me, ours may take just as long but I don't notice since I am snuggling you. :)

You don't really mind tummy time but have found out that you can roll yourself over to end it! The first time you did it, and most times there after, it has been when you get mad about it. One day you rolled yourself over and then scooted clear off of the playmat you were on in only a few minutes. Maybe you are teaching yourself to do this quickly in hopes of escaping your Sister. She does love you so much... She just doesn't know how to control all of her love.

You have found your feet! You have also started hanging onto things...your animals (pacifier), toes, my hair, your burp cloth, my hair. Oh I mentioned my hair already, well you like it, a lot. It is hard to pry it out of your tight little grip!

Your awake times are more fun now. You like to look around and take everything in. Your Sister is the best at making you smile when she talks to you.

You are all because two people fell in love,
Love,
Mommy

2 months

Hard to believe you are 2 months old! You fit right into our family as if you've been here all along.

Kinley likes to get in on the sticker action too!

On May 5th you went in for your 2 month check up. All of the nurses and Dr. M. were so excited to see you! Before they could check you out, they had to properly dote on your cuteness.

You weighed in at 10 pounds 15 ounces and were 22 inches long. You wear size one diapers. Your clothes range from newborn to 0-3. (who knew there was a difference, right?!)

{Terrible Mom Award goes to me. I had this and two others started but didn't get any further in documenting.}

Even though it is awfully short and not much news... You are all because two people fell in love!

Love,
Mommy

A Slice of Happy

This little guy is almost six months old! I know, it's hard to tell with the lack of monthly update posts, but.... he is just a little ray of sunshine!

This video was captured while diving home from an impromptu trip to Braum's. It is a little bit of what every car ride is now. This song medley just makes me smile. R-E-D, animal impressions, Farmer in the Dell, ABC song, Jesus Loves Me, Wyatt Boy's song, recitation from Brown Bear, Brown Bear, Old McDonald Had a Farm, and a little love for Tobie.

(here is the youtube link in case it never shows up in blogger... http://youtu.be/3DapJynHUl8)

I feel truly blessed to be Mommy to these little cuties.

2 Years

My Sweet Little Snowflake,

Though you no longer go by that nickname, you will always be my little Snowflake. It is hard to believe you are turning two! In your two short years, you have stolen the hearts of many. You are a smart, funny, independent, beautiful little girl. 

We celebrated your birthday on July 5 by having family and friends over finger foods, cake and ice cream. You loved ripping in to the presents you received. You took a minute to 'read' the card and then a minute or two to check out the gift before moving on. The original plan was to enjoy a neighbor's firework show in the backyard but he did them on the 4th so we just had fun doing smaller, kid friendly ones, which was just as fun. We spent the next week slowly playing with a different present every day. Some of the fun stuff you got included: stickers, craft supplies, pink Converse shoes, play jewelry, a couple outfits, Baby Alive (that had some medical things that we used to help prep for shots), a doctor kit, blocks, Play Doh, a little cheerleader doll, bows and barrettes, and I am sure there was more! 

You are a growing little lady. You wear a lot of 2T clothes but can still fit into 18 month apparel. Your shoes range from 5 to 6. You were recently given a pair of Croc like shoes that are purple, blue, pink and white tie dye... of course you love them since they don't coordinate with many outfits. I think part of the reason you like them so much is that you can put them on yourself! Each time, you say, "I did it!"  and throw you hands up in the air to celebrate. You have been in size 4 diapers for quite a while but just moved up to 5's. There have been a coule successful trips to the potty! It is something you talk about but haven't gotten the hang of yet, but that's okay. You've got plenty of time. You try any food we put in front of you. Your favorite seems to be a ham melt from Arby's. You like to eat frozen 'gapes' with your Daddy and love to ask for 'teddy brrrs' for a snack. 

Your two year well child visit was on July 11. You tipped the scales at 27.8 pounds putting you in the 64th percentile for weight. You are 2 feet 9 inches (33 inches) tall putting you in the 25th percentile. The nurses and doctors still doted on how cute you are and how they remember you coming in when you were 4 days old. You got the Hep A booster shot (after Mom kind of insisted that it could be given based on timing of the previous shot [hey, we were there and had been prepping and talking about getting a shot all week long!]). You did really well with it! The initial poke made you pouty and gave you a little cry but you were just fine after. I think the purple sucker helped take your mind off of it!

You are a precious big sister! You love your Baby Boo in such a sweet way. If he's crying, you run to his side to see if you can help him. You will pat his back and say, "It's okay, Wyatt." or "What's wrong Buddy?", pop a pacifier back in his mouth or if his bottle is nearby, try giving him that too. He is one of the first people you ask about when you wake up each morning. Sometimes you call him Baby Boo, Wyatt Boy (sounds like you are saying white boy), Brudder, Buddy or just Baby. You like to buckle him into his car seat and put his bottles in the sink when he is finished with them. On occasion, you will ask to hold him but when you are finished you just start shoving him off of your lap. We are working on saying, "I'm finished Wyatt" and waiting on Mommy or Daddy to take him off of you lap. Most recently when you ask to hold him, you immediately start shifting him after he is sat down on your lap. You are trying to turn him around to hold him up on your shoulder. When we help you turn him, you start patting his back and 'shhhh. shhh. shhh'-ing in his ear. It is the sweetest thing to see you love on him. I hope you always love him and remember he is your best friend.

You love to be outside. You like swinging and sliding or digging in the dirt. You have a small collection of rocks that you have found in the backyard that you store in Tobie's extra water dish on the patio. It seems like each time we are out there, you hunt for another and add it to the collection. You are pretty fearless when it comes to exploring the backyard or anywhere really. 

You love your Daddy to pieces (and he feels the same about you)! He is another person you ask about every morning when you wake up, "Where's Daddy?! Where's Peston?" You get so excited when you hear the garage door open everyday, "DADDY!!" Most days during school time, you and Daddy have breakfast together before school. He loves having Daddy nights with you and your brother! He tells you often that you are smart, beautiful or funny and that he will do anything for you. You have his patience, which is pretty minimal. You will try to do something on your own but get frustrated if you can't immediately get it figured out. Then you start whining until we remind you to try again or try to talk you through how do it. 

You have Mom characteristics too, even though she will try to pass them off as coming from your Daddy. You can have a sassy little attitude. Stating, so matter of factly, "No." to taking another bite, coming when called, putting toys away or giving a goodnight kiss. There is a stubborn, hard headed bone in your body and it drives your Mommy bonkers. She just takes a deep breath and remembers where that 'tude came from! If you don't want to to something you will flop yourself into a little puddle on the ground and pout about it. You will also fold yourself over like a pocket knife when you don't want to do something. You are such a precious little gift that it is easy to look passed your sassy behavior and help you learn a better way to react.

You enjoy school with Mrs. Jade, Mrs. Sunny and Ms. Rachel. When I get you out of the car each morning, you just start walking right up to the door, like you don't even need me anymore. It is such a bittersweet feeling. I love that you are independent enough to want to do it on your own and not get super sad about dropping you off but I still want my baby girl to hold my hand. Each day I pick you up, you run over saying, "Hi Mommy!" and I get half a hug before you turn around to run back to the playground or toys you were playing with. Again, bittersweet but so precious.

This summer you took swim lessons with Mommy. The first 3 of the 8 days, you were not totally certain. The fourth day you came to life in the water! You absolutely wore yourself out splashing, kicking and swimming your arms. The fifth day, Daddy came to watch. "Watch this Daddy!!!" or "Daddy watch me!" came out of your mouth the entire time. You were so proud to show off for your Daddy. 

Some of our favorite things you say are:

~ Is that myyynt? -You love to ask if something is yours. Your version of mine, myyynt, rhymes with pint. (I only put that because I don't ever want to forget how you said it. I know I should correct you every time but it is so cute.)

~Rocka baby or Rocka Wyatt -this is what you say when you want us to sing Rock a Bye Baby. On occasion, you can be heard singing on your own. It goes a little like this, "Rocka Baby, tee top, wind blows, Rocka baby"

~I want ABCD. -this is when we sing the alphabet. Occasionally, you sing this on your own too. It starts off "A B C D" then you hit or miss some letters in the middle "T V" hit or miss a few more before finishing off the song "Now I my ABC, ness time with me"

~Hold me Mommy. or I hold you Daddy. -sweetest face is looking up at us as you say this in a little puppy dog voice.

~straw-beret -I think this is the French word for strawberry? No? Well, maybe it is just your own French interpretation then.

~straw-beer-er -just another Kinley version of strawberry

~I want a paancak. -some days you are quite vocal about wanting a pancake for breakfast, or lunch, or  dinner, or whenever you think about it.

~I want Jesus. -you started saying this after I taught you Jesus Loves Me on the way home from school. It works every time. I mean, how can I say no to Jesus? If you sing it on your own when you think no one is paying attention, it goes "Jesus smee. Bible. Jesus smee."

~Coooat-nee or Matsee -the names of my teacher friends that you ask for several times a week. You will even talk about their chairs, that they sat in one time when visiting us in April. You haven't forgotten where they sat.

~Reeeeeaach! -you will say this when you really are having to reach or even if you are just handing us something. Sometimes you even reeeeeeeeach from clear across the room.

~Take my temper-er! -you love to use the thermometer and take people's temperature. For the few times that we did use it, you surprisingly know it is supposed to be swiped across the forehead when it is used.

~'smee Tobie -Kinley talk for "excuse me Tobie" you at 'smee others too but Tobie is mainly the one you are trying to run over with your shopping cart or walk on top of.
~I want Mommy to pump it out. You will say this when Mommy is making milk for Wyatt. You love to try to help by handing me things too.
~Nnnnnno! Tobie! -you really wind up the N of no before making a swatting action at her. 
~I got me! -this is said when we are chasing around in the house, instead of 'you got me!'

~Hi Mom. -at times you will just call out to Mom or Dad from your seat at the table and you just sound so big, too big. Or you will follow us around, sounding like the seagulls from Finding Nemo, "Mom. Mom. Mom. Dad. Dad. Dad." Like a broken record but I'd listen to it all day. ~Animal impressions include: dog, cat, cow (probably your favorite impression to make, 'mmmmoooooo' really winding up the m), pig, horse, monkey, elephant (complete with hand raising trunk motion); lion, tiger, bear, and dinosaur all have the same 'RAR!' that also have a quick claw like motion with them; fish -we're working on getting the puckered lips but it is mostly just moving your little mouth like a fish; rabbit, frog, donkey, duck, goose and bird.

Kinley Binley,

You are loved to no end. I hope that you always remember how loved you are, no one can take that away from you! Always know that there isn't a mountain Mommy and Daddy won't help you move. You can do anything you set your mind to. Though your sassy attitude and hard head drive me bonkers now, I hope you carry them with you the rest of your life so people know that Kinley Snow means business. I am so blessed to be your Mommy!

You are all because two people fell in love.

I'm always here sweet girl,

Love,

Mommy

Title Less

I tried to give this post a title... But nothing jumped out or came to me.

On June 3, I feel like my Mom had her best birthday in 19 years... She was able to celebrate it with her Daddy. Being Father's Day, I imagine Pa had the best one in years. He was able to celebrate with his kids again. It is such a bittersweet feeling. (I imagine Pa loved his birthday back in April too!)

As my babies grow, I can't help but think how he would interact with them. Kinley loves to ride Molly, the rocking horse he made when I was in junior high, and the whole time I just think about how he would get a kick out of that. Or how he would just love to talk with her now that she is just a little older. I imagine she would have had a few cuss words under her belt too, as she can be a little parrot these days. We recently, finally, hung some pictures up. Kinley sees one of Pa and recognizes him and says, "Hi Pa!" I love it and am impressed that she recognizes him in pictures. 

Though he would be afraid of breaking him, Pa would love Brother Bear. It saddens me that he will never know him in person. I also think back to the day in the hospital that Pa felt him moving around. He just thought it was the most amazing thing ever. I mean, it is amazing, but seeing how excited and proud he was, was adorable. 

As I write this, I can't help but think about what kind of grandma my Mom would be. It stings to know that I have had more birthdays, Christmases and every other holiday, without her than I had with her. (this is turning into such a depressing post!) Being  a mom for a short two years, there have already been times that I think, "My mother just came out of my mouth!" When that happens I just smile and take comfort in knowing that even in our short time together, I was able to learn to be the kind of mother that she was. There are still some of her qualities that I strive to have but maybe someday they will just come to me.

In the mean time, I can feel comforted in knowing that those two, my Mom and Pa, are probably having such a great time together, laughing at me wanting to pull my hair out when Kinley pops her little stubborn attitude out at me.

On the Day You Were Born

39 weeks 2 days
and the last baby bump picture for Brother Bear

Thursday, March 6th, you decided to make your entrance into this world.

 The day started like any other, no wait, I woke up around 4:30,  that's not how we start our days. The coughing and cold that I was battling first woke me...

39 weeks pregnant is not the time to catch a cold, have allergies or whatever it was that I had. While coughing, I was concerned that I was going to a) pee my pants, b) cough this baby right out, or c) all of the above. One of those may or may not have happened on more than one occasion.

As I was coughing, I kept thinking, "is that a contraction or just my body reacting to the coughing fit?" Then I was up for the bathroom. I didn't get sick this time but I knew then, based on my previous experience, that my body was preparing to have a baby. Since I had been sick, I was sleeping upstairs because I didn't want Hubby to catch it or be kept up all night with my coughing, so I just kept track of my contractions. I mean, I still wasn't completely convinced I was actually in labor since it was before my due date.

Right after 6 a.m., I texted my wonderful sub. She had planned on coming in to observe how I run the class and what our routine is.... little did she know, she was in for the rest of the year after answering that text! I was totally not prepared for her. 

{The day before, I actually told my two teacher pals, "At this point, I should leave everyday as if I am not coming back.". Unfortunately, I didn't stay to make it presentable because I felt terrible from the cold. But Mrs. Chambers is a rock star and was able to work it out!} 

After confirming that she would be me, I went downstairs and told Hubby, who had started feeling sickly, to put on his "big boy panties because I think we are having a baby today. We need to put the car seat in my car, pack a bag, pack Kinley's things, drop her off and head in to be checked out."

This time around, I was afraid that I was going to arrive at the hospital and they tell me I am crazy and not having a baby today. For that very fear, I had asked Mrs. Chambers and my principal to just tell people I was home sick. However, by 11:15 a.m. I was dilated to a 6! Baby is on his way!

It took a bit to get into a room. We later found out that 12 other babies were born on March 6! Our labor and delivery nurse, Tiffany, had delivered 3 other babies before we had gotten there! The contractions were getting more painful, so I was offered some pain relief through my IV. She told me it would take 5-10 minutes to kick in and that I would feel a little loopy and sleepy. She was totally right! But it was lovely!

I would say that by 12:30 I had my epidural and was feeling just fine. Dr. Wiemar even made it for this delivery! We spent some time doing practice pushes with Tiffany before she called him back to deliver. I suppose this is when having your office right across the street from the hospital comes in handy. When he got back to our room, she said she had called him a little early because Brother did not like pushing and was having a hard time coming under my pelvis. So, Dr. Wiemar wanted to see for himself and it was true. He told us he'd like to try using forceps to grab his little head and help him out. He said it would probably take 2 or 3 contractions to get him out that way but he was right there. It only took us 2 or 3 pushes during one contraction before Wyatt Ryker made his debut at 2:30 p.m.!

All the while trying to have a baby, I was battling that cough. They would want me to push, push, push but I could only do so much pushing before I had to cough again. As I mentioned this was the worst time to be sick. Alas, Wyatt made it safely and that is what matters.

After delivering, we spent extra time in labor and delivery because I had a 102 degree fever. Dr. W. did not seem to think it was delivery related but they didn't want to send me off to the post partum wing with that high of a fever. After lots of reminders to my nurse, she was waiting on the pharmacy, I was able to get some cough medicine. Then finally after a good hour or more, my coughing was getting better. 

When you were actually born only a handful of people knew you were on your way. We spent those couple hours after delivery snuggling you, just Dad and I, talking about how cute you were and how blessed we are to have another sweet, healthy baby. You also went with Dad to have your first bath. I used that time to relax. At this point, my ribs and stomach hurt from coughing so much. Around 4:30, my coughing had finally slowed down and fever came down a little so we called the grandparents and texted other friends and family.

Your first visitor was your big sister, Kinley, along with Jade and Journey.

Kinley came walking in with them looking like such a big girl. She wasn't too sure about this hospital place but was excited to see her Dad. As soon as she realized I was holding a baby, she wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. I was a little heart broken at that but knew it was late and her whole world had changed while she was at Jade's. We were able to take a family picture (minus big sister, Tobie) before Kinley headed back to Jade's for the night. By staying with Jade, Kinley was able to keep her daytime routine and be with people she was familiar with. We are forever grateful that the Beck family took our sweet girl in. I had no worries that she was in good hands {though I often thought about her and prayed she would come around to loving her little brother}.

While in the hospital, the doctor continued to treat my cough. All this time, you took well to breast feeding so were off to the races! At 24 hours old, you passed your hearing check with flying colors. Friday evening, you had visitors from my teacher friends, your Grandpa O and sister Kinley. During this visit she warmed up to you more. She still wasn't 100% about you but a definite improvement from the night before. Grandpa O was able to snap a few more pictures of our new family too.

By Saturday morning, I was complaining of a gargling feeling in my throat, like when I would breathe, it would feel like something was in he the back of my throat. The doctor ordered a chest X-ray because he thought he heard some fluid in my lungs. The X-ray confirmed that I was developing pneumonia in the lower part of my left lung. We decided it was best to stay one more night to get breathing treatments and rest since I needed to be healthy for our new little guy. I had been fortunate to have two great nurses on the post partum floor. They really kept on top of my medicines and trying to get me better... Until Saturday night.

The new shift started at 7. I was supposed to get pain medicine at 8. I was getting a little rest and nursing so I didn't realize it was past due. As soon as Hubby returned from a quick run home to feed and love on Tobie, I sent him to track her down. He did that at 9 and she didn't make it to the room until 9:30. Needless to say, I had to call her when I was supposed to have medicine so I was very unimpressed with her. The day nurse on Sunday was nothing to write home about either. She was very by the book, like read us word for word, in a monotone voice, all of the discharge papers. We were finally discharged around 3:30 and made it home around 4:00.

Tobie was excited to meet you and greeted you with many kisses. Dad then took you on a tour of the house so you would know your way around. Since we were so late getting discharged, your sister was at a birthday party with Jade and didn't make it home to greet you until 5:30ish. She was more open to the idea of a baby and was kind of all of in your face. She just kept saying, "baby! baby." over and over and over, in a loud, high pitched voice. We worked on calling you Wyatt but she liked Baby better. We would make the mistake of saying, "Hi, Buddy!" and without skipping a beat, she would say, "Hi, Buuddy."

Your first night at home was busy. You ate every 3 hours and pooped or peed in between

And that little guy is all about the Day You Were Born {and a few days after}.

#1 Stunna

everyone says they have the best husband around so why shouldn't I?! 

during this moving process, he has made it clear that his number one priority is his little family. he took off of work so he could pack, unpack and put away our things during the day and hang with his family at night. once Kinley and I got home from school, his moving stopped until Kinley went to bed. he made sure that Kinley had a bed to sleep in and a place to change her pants before she got home. basically what I'm saying is that he took care of Kinley first and Tobie and I just happened to have our bed to sleep in too. 

i feel so blessed to have him as my Boo.

{I wrote this right as we were in the process of moving (december 2013)... along with blogging in general, it got lost in the shuffle of this crazy thing called life. And sorry 'bout all you others out there that think you have the best Boo... :) }

One Month

{this sock monkey was your first stuffed animal. it came from Aunt Mary and Uncle Ken, your great aunt and uncle}

It’s hard to believe it’s already been one month. As most people say, ”it seems like yesterday” that you were born. Time really has gone quickly since your arrival.

Dad took off for a week when you were born. Being that I was sick on top of just having a baby, he had his work cut out for him as far as nursing us back to healthy. But... You can rest assured that he did just that. In case I haven't told you, you have Super Dad for a Dad. He was on top of medicine, refilling my cup to keep me hydrated, making sure Kinley and I got to eat, diaper changes, plenty of snuggling for you and Kinley, taking Kinley to school, hanging with us during nighttime feeds, entertaining Kinley so you and I had time to snuggle and rest together and so much more! You Dad does an excellent job taking care of his family. Even after he went back it work, he would wake up with you so I could get rest and recover. He loves snuggling you up in his arms in the corner of the sofa mobile and would sleep there forever with you if he needed to.

We attempted pictures on day 7. You were fine after peeing and pooping on us when we tried to put you in the dump truck. We didn't get a dump truck shot but you cooperated other times. It was your sister that didn't cooperate so family pictures will come later. 

our little Brother Bear!

We jumped back into the saddle a lot sooner with you... Your first trip to church was when you were 10 days old! 

At one week old, you weighed 7 pounds 11 ounces. At 3 weeks, you weighed 8 pounds 5.5 ounces so we were continuing to fatten you up one day at a time. You have 4 ounces every 3-4 hours. After about three weeks, we went to giving you breast milk from a bottle. This allows Dad to help feed and we know how much you are eating. You are still getting plenty of Mom snuggles though!

I don't think we truly know how tall you are because of the terrible measuring system at the doctor's office. I'd say you are getting taller though.

You are wearing size one diapers and newborn clothes, which are hard to come by for little boys! Well any clothes really. I tell you what, I never paid attention to how one sided stores are but there is not a whole lot to offer for sweet little boys.

During your first month, we spent time adjusting as a family. Many of our friends and family helped make the adjustment easier by bringing us dinners. You, of course, made the adjustment pretty easy, like you had always been here. 

34 weeks and beyond!

{As I finish this, our little Brother Bear is almost 7 weeks old. I feel sad that I was not able to keep up with posting and all the details of this pregnancy. But... I will say that there was a lot of other things that went on and had to be taken care which kept me busy and unable to sit down to blog my adventure. Now that he is here, I feel like I need to get this posted before I can post about him. He is such a sweet little guy that needs some blog lovin'!!}

34 weeks

This week was big for Brother Bear! He got curtains that I think we will like, his car seat will be getting cleaned up for him and we will pick up his crib and dresser this weekend! We also got registered at the hospital so we are good to go whenever the time comes. Guess that means it is time to start thinking about packing some sort of bag?

We are determined to decide on a name, as many people are frustrated that he doesn't have one yet. I don't know why but it seems harder to decide this time. I suppose part of it is because Kinley's name is so cute that we want to make sure his is equally cool (you know since boys probably wouldn't be concerned with having a cute name).

He is still like a little bouncy ball tucked inside my belly, sometimes more so than his sister. At school, he was fed really well as my co-workers took the week to celebrate me as the Teacher of the Year.

 We also got the crib and dresser put into Brother's room! Whew, they came in before he got home!

35 weeks

36 weeks

 During 36 weeks, we finally got Brother Bear's room put together. We made his name sign but only told family and a few close friends what his name was going to be. The rest of the world found out when he was born.

37 weeks

On February 22, Brother had a shower hosted by some of my college friends. It was an adorable transportation theme to go along with his bedroom! I loved the blues and orange of it too! A bonus was that there were Sixlets for days to eat afterwards! (I actually just finished mine off this week, 2 months after the shower! I think I had good restraint on eating them )

Jade, Susan, Casey and Sharon

Nandy, Aunt Mary and Anna

Courtney, Erin, Tiffany, Grace, BA and Kay
--not pictured... Jennifer, Jillian and Nancy, and photographer, Heather--

Kinley and I with Nandy, Aunt Mary, Anna and Sharon

Cute little outfits, books, cars and more!

38 weeks

38 weeks with the sisters

During this week, I visited the doctor on a Friday, February 28. However, when the day came around, I felt like poo. I had started sniffling and had a little cough to go with it. My PE teacher was adamant about me not doing our assistant's duty, as I had done in the past so that she could have her lunch and I could make my appointment. Little did I know, my teacher friends had planned a surprise diaper shower! At least a week or two before, I had mentioned in the teacher's lounge that I had this appointment and no one said anything about it.Well, surprise to you too! I can't stay long because I have an appointment.

Dr. W. said Brother was still baking, head down so we would wait and see what the week would bring. I told him I had started coughing and had the sniffles but didn't feel sick, maybe it was just allergies starting up. He recommended some Claritin and cough syrup so I stopped on the way back to school and loaded up!

As the days progressed, I kept coughing and coughing and coughing. Each time I needed to cough, I had to prepare myself because I did not want to cough the baby right out of me... or pee my pants. One of the two may or may not have happened on more than one occasion.

People would ask me when my last day was before maternity leave kicked in and my response was, "I'll be here until Mr. Bobby (our custodian) is following me around with a mop bucket telling me to go home." And I pretty much did that.... 

I went to work on Wednesday, March 5th. The cold or whatever I had left me feeling like poo but I had to go. I spent my plan time resting on the couch in the teacher's lounge. At one point, my assistant came in with a blanket and said, "Mr. S. (the principal) asked me to cover you up. He thought it might be awkward if he came in and did it himself." When it was time to get my kids I felt a little more refreshed. We finished off the day and at the end of the day, I told my kids to have a good night and I would see them tomorrow. As I was leaving with my friends and feeling like dooky, I said, "You know, at this point I really should leave everyday as if I am not coming in tomorrow." and then I shut off the lights and closed the door..........

{I know, I know, I did horrible at recording the preparation for Brother Bear but it truly is harder to do with another little person running around. I am doing my best to keep up with his baby book since I know how bare mine is. And to make me feel better, I haven't totally kept up with Kinley's}