Wednesday, August 7, 2013


Yes, we really had this mailed to us by someone in our neighborhood. Address typed with a typewriter on the envelope and nothing else.

I have a lot to say about this....
1- REALLY?!?!
2- if you are brave enough to write the letter, sign it. Wuss. Or you are afraid of how one might comment on the appearance of your yard?
3- how many letters did you write and use your typewriter to address it? Did you write a letter to the houses that desperately need repainted? Or the one with 4 cars in the driveway, 2 in the street (blocking the fire hydrant and my driveway) and none in their garage? Or the one with more weeds than grass? Or the one that has dead limbs hanging from the tree for a long time now? Or the folks that don't bother edging and let weeds grow into the street? Or the people that let their dog out in their front yard to use the bathroom? Or the people that let their cat out to torment my dog... In my own backyard!? Or the people that have overgrown bushes at their mailbox, which are flowing out into the street? Or the ones that park their truck in their yard?

Some day when you come home to "the ghetto" you can thank us (and my girlfriends for brainstorming the ideas) for putting our truck on cinder blocks, not mowing the yard (we should probably put the mower up on blocks too since we won't be using it), walking the hood with a dirty, naked baby on my hip, cigarettes stuffed in my bra straps and pockets hanging out of the bottom of my cutoff jean shorts along with my butt cheeks. And lady neighbors, don't worry my baby daddy will be with me to keep your men away. For your viewing pleasure, he will have on a wife beater, cutoff shorts (hanging half way down his butt), some chew in his lip, his gold and diamond grill, and of course, his mullet. I've also considered new decorations for my flowerbed... beer cans, milk jugs, and a sign!
 "Welcome to the ghetto... and the nicest yard in the neighborhood!"

It seems you have time on your hands so you can also watch to see that we do in fact know how to use a push broom... how do you think the small amount of clippings from edging get into the street, jackass? No Internet tutorial needed. 

How about you "help create a more favorable impression" to the folks that live in your ghetto and talk to a neighbor instead of sending a cowardly letter in the mail. 

Thanks for your input.

PS- I'll have you know that my baby daddy takes a lot of pride in keeping his yard mowed, edged, weed free, and alive to a very bright shade of green, unlike many others in the ghetto. So if you really find that our yard work doesn't seem to meet your standards, you obviously know where I live, so come do it yourself. 

(As I type this, said baby daddy is mowing a yard that we technically do not own, just because he wants to have a nice yard when we do move in.)


  1. It appears to me your a--hole neighbor has got to much time on his or her hands and if suchthings bug them so damn bad they can always come down to your ghetto street and sweep up what they don't like, also they need to remember the city has clean up crews that clean out the street curbs and if every one was neat as the a--hole that sent you this memo, than the city would need to fire everyone of the crew members and they will have to go on food stamps and all the other freebes that goverment provides. so please keep your ity bity pranks to yourself, you dip stick. from an 85 year old retire military M/Sgt that had enough cring from the silly neighbors... Cool it things could be worse. Love Pa l.

  2. Uhoh. I totally let the dog out in the front all the time. Thankfully I live a 'burb away!! ;)

  3. (As I type this, said baby daddy is mowing a yard that we technically do not own, just because he wants to have a nice yard when we do move in.)

    Okay so am I reading too deep into this or are you moving? :)